Our Honorable Guest Reviewer

help. i don’t know which one to eat first!! i cannot decide

one of them is so sweet, empathetic and warm-blooded. i taught her well; she can speak to plants and animals. she is so full of love. she once failed a test on purpose and go to an ‘ah beng ah seng’ school to take care of her academically disinclined crush. yeah she may get eaten by animals out here. but she’d surely be the loving queen of the new society, dressed in all white and green glitter.

the other one is meaty. strong and muscular. feral. he plays football with boys 5 years older than him. he can hold his own out here in the wild. he will survive. but covered in delicious blood, he looks... delicious.

help. it’s been 3 weeks since the end of the world and the only people surviving is my daughter and son. our food supplies are running out. i am hungry. which of the two should i eat first?

if only i can eat myself. help.

2/2 you don’t have to eat your children. come down to LINO for great pizzas.

[this is part 3 of 3 (or tinder date 3 out of 3) where i went to three different nasi lemak stalls in a day, please visit the profile for more reviews. i don’t actually use tinder 🤪]

third stop, third Tinder date of the day. at this point i am tired. will i ever find love? this guy Mizzy… he wears uniqlo… his fashion sense, similar to the many side dishes on this plate, is remarkably average.

however, once he started talking, wowwwwwwww. i feel like we have great chemistry, just like the rice and chilli combining into a beautiful mess of mixture that i don’t know how to describe. oh goodness. he has the best personality so far. he has such a perfect balance of sweetness and hotness. he is such a great kisser (don’t ask me how i know 🌚) - just like the rice the kiss is so soft and tender.

such a great date, and the day ended well i am so happy. i cannot wait for the second date. i think i found the love of my life.

10/10 would come back and kiss him again.

[this is part 2 of 3 (or tinder date 2 out of 3) where i went to three different nasi lemak stalls in a day, please visit the profile for more reviews. i don’t actually use tinder 🤪]

this guy’s tinder profile looks great. great variety. oh look he has a dog, oh look he went on vacation. oh wait… he was the guy you used to crush on in university. wtf. you swipe right immediately. he’s still as good-looking as ever…

during the date, he seemed like an okay person personality-wise, just like the rice and chilli. in uni you thought he was a great guy, but perhaps things changed. he kept on talking about his vacation to the dead sea. and that’s ironic given his saltiness (‘just a little too salty like the dishes in Fong Seng,’ i thought) when he started ranting for an hour about a mutual friend who is doing so much better than him.

at least i am glad that i went on this date, because he allowed me to try on his $50k Patek Phillipe watch. just like the thick and rich milo, that was an amazing experience. no amount of accessories will improve my image of him though.

now i am questioning if i liked him in uni only because he was nearby. proximity effect. overall, still not too bad. will remain as friends.

5/10 would come back only for the memories AND THE MILO.

recently i downloaded Tinder. ‘sure, why not?’ i thought. a week later, I had booked three dates with different people on the same day. lol yep. the first right swipe and first date was with this guy named Boon Lay, but most of his friends call him Power (he told me the story behind it but i forgot).

similar to the coconut rice, i admire his no-bullshit, straight-to-the-point personality. it is decent. but i think his best attributes are his limbs. just like the chicken wing, they are strong, juicy, looks really tasty and when i accidentally licked it during the date, oof too good. his flaw tho: his overly try-hard fashion sense. the chilli is good too but it doesn’t match the rice, just like how the date was wearing floral shirts and bucket hats that doesn’t fit him to fit into the fashion trends. he is easygoing though. perhaps too easygoing. just like the stall, Power accepts a grand total of 28 payment methods when i wanted to split the bill with him.

overall a decent date.

16/28 let’s see what happens next.

[this is part 1 of 3 (or tinder date 1 out of 3) where i went to three different nasi lemak stalls in a day, please visit the profile for more reviews. i don’t actually use tinder 🤪]

1. learn to make jokes, don’t treat yourself too seriously. make people laugh. the jokes shouldn’t be too corny though, be a well-seasoned baby corn.
2. be someone that others and most importantly you yourself can count on. be the roasted cauliflower and broccoli in everyone’s lives, the biggest tree that doesn’t fall despite the harsh weather, providing shade to all the little plants and animals and even parasites because they need love too.
3. express your emotions and colours to the world! just like the sweet little cherry tomatoes and cranberries inside your heart, you’re a unicorn shooting rainbows everywhere you go. don’t hide those from others. life will be so bland without you.
4. try new things from time to time, and you will be surprised how much flavours it will add to your life, just like the parsley garnish on top
5. have a wild side but only show it to your broccoli and cauliflower friends you can trust. it is okay drink beer with salad y’know.
6. always stick to your values. and to combine everything together, there’s the soft roasted chicken, tasty sweet potato and carrot mash and gravy. these are your mains, your values that you should live by, that you should never compromise on. good values will bring all of the above points together, making yourself a harmonious being. just like how this food is perfectly cooked.
7. be kind.

7/7 would come back here again. the food here is good, simple and healthy, just like how life should be.

twinkle twinkle sashimi
how i want this meat in me
up above the rice so nice
oh so pretty in my eyes
twinkle twinkle sashimi
free flow green tea, i just peed

✨✨/10 reminds me of my happy childhood 👶

okay tbh i’m just waiting for myself to go to the toilet tomorrow morning. they say gold is indigestible we shall see.

24 stay gold 5ever/888. the beef is a tougher than expected but wagyu gonna do?? the sauce and all the other sides are nice tho.

would come back again sometime because the service is top notch (i managed to meet half of my “8 cups per day” requirement because the staff were super attentive).

a hot mess. hot damn. what a snack. we make eye contact. he stares into the windows of my soul as my mouth made contact with the liquid. shocked initially by its taste, i was softened up almost immediately by his uninvited yet somehow graceful entrance into my life. warmth. love. i don’t know why but i like this. speechless. i didn’t know what to say as i can feel my increasingly harder heartbeat, my flushing face. my date sitting opposite the table is so hot. does he know how i feel??

oh oh the beef stew? ya it’s really good too. get it. i like this too.

<3/10 would come back. (legit good)

From our honorable guest reviewer:

ever know a guy that’s sort of average looking on the outside but he plays the guitar, is super sweet, and has the biggest personality??? because this is basically how i’d describe this burger. this is by far the most unassuming burger yet one of the most delicious burger. you’d be left wondering, ‘where are all the flavours coming from? who cooked you?? who raised you up???’

if this burger is ‘the one’, the accompanying fries and salad are the in-laws. and you’d see why this boy is so amazing. fries that look like it’s from mcdonald’s, but oh goodness it’s so tasty and crispy. father fries is truly a rockstar just like the boy. the mother, or the salad, well... tastes like vegetables: a little naggy sometimes but you know that ultimately she has your best interests at heart. you’re assured she’s reliably there to make sure the boy goes down the right path in life.

marry this boy immediately gurl.

10/10 would come back again.